Grateful

Today is Thanksgiving...a day that I am so filled with gratitude! This year I have SO much to be thankful for. I have the greatest love there is: the love of Jesus, who saved me many years ago, and I am eternally grateful and blessed as a result. I have the love of a family, and next to that, there really is nothing that compares on this earth. I have the love of my husband, my daughter Eliana and our unborn little angel. I have the love of my big, rambunctious family. I just have so much love and kindness in my life. I am so very thankful for everything I've been blessed with...but this year, most of all its, for my family.

In my 27 years of life, my family has always been there for me. I'm so grateful for my wonderful, selfless parents who raised me to know and love Jesus. They taught me to work hard, to give and expect nothing in return. To be kind, loving and caring; to always put myself in someone elses shoes. They instilled in me an amazing work ethic too. I pray I can be half the mom my mama has been to me and my siblings. I am so blessed to have the most diverse, talented, fun and wonderful 6 sisters and the coolest little brother. 3.5 years ago I was blessed to get another incredible, caring and strong mama; along with two more brothers and a stunning little sister. They have brought so much laughter and joy into my life. They love and spoil Eliana and are always there for us. I have the best 4 brother-in-laws, who are all such Godly men and incredible husbands to my sisters! I am thankful for each member of my amazing family.

This day and forever more, I will continue to thank our Heavenly Father for blessing me with the most incredible husband! For those that know my hubby, they all can easily say, he is so hilarious! Always bringing a bit of humor into our lives. Willing to lend a hand and thoughtful. Very courteous and kind. I truly cannot say enough about how wonderful he is. He knows how to lift me up when I'm going through a tough time; he is my rock and my comfort when I need it. I just know that only because of the grace of our Father was I blessed to be by his side forever more. He provides for our family. Keeps a roof over our heads, food in our bellies and joy in our lives. He helps me with every chore around the house. Always letting me rest and giving me a break every chance he gets, especially in these last weeks of pregnancy. He is the best daddy too! Seeing how loving he is towards our Eliana fills me with the deepest love and joy. Words cannot even describe the feeling I have when I see them together. Just pure happiness is all. And how blessed am I to watch their relationship blossom and deepen with every day that passes?

Lastly I am overwhelmed with gratitude for the little people in my life. For my Eliana, my sweet angelic little daughter. If I had to describe her character, I would compare her to a sweet little bird. Shy, observant, loves music, forgiving, patient, full of happiness and peace. She has so much love to give, and shares her sweetness with everyone around. Kisses her reflection in the mirror or in pictures. Gives her baby cousins and stuffed animals kisses all the time. She has the sweetest character, I never imagined I could be blessed with such a  calm and caring little child. I myself had grown up a little tomboy, who had to experience everything for herself: I expected my children to be this way as well. I am just so grateful to be a mommy and to call Eliana mine. My little angel child. I am so blessed indeed! And as if that were not enough, this year in March, we found out we were expecting another little angel this fall. We are eagerly awaiting the arrival of a little sister for Eliana to play with and adore. She has brought so much joy into our lives even while in my belly. We already have so much love for her. We feel immeasurably blessed to have had such a healthy and long pregnancy, this second time around. She has been strong from the get go. Always on the move and just so full of life! We are so grateful for our two little girls and are so excited to introduce them one of these days :).

I hope that you all have a very blessed Thanksgiving day, and lets all try to find something to be grateful for not just today, but every day this year.

Chunky Braid and Bump

 

11/22/2014

This sweet baby girl of mine sure has gotten herself nice and comfy inside mama's belly. She must love listening to my heart and snuggling mommy...because she is refusing to evacuate the premises. I was 38 1/2 weeks here already and SO ready to meet her. She has her own plans apparently. Week 38 was full of many false alarms. Many times we contacted family to line up a babysitter for Eliana. Kept us anxious all week thinking that every time we had contractions and extra pressure, that was it. Every morning I wake up and my sisters and mom text me asking if there's any news, any progress. Waiting honestly is the worst!

I know that its best for the baby to stay in as long as she needs. But, this last week has been chalk full of contractions, stretching and major aches and pains. There were several days where I had contractions that got pretty close together, but never stayed consistent enough or got stronger. She has been stretching like crazy, my stomach being pushed and prodded every which way. My doctor was just amazed and shocked that she hasn't broken my water yet. We were sure she would be here by now. If not for the discomfort, we would just wait patiently. Although honestly at this point, we have given in. We decided to just take it easy and let her decide when its time.

My body is definitely ready to have her though. She's already measuring in at 40 weeks. I continue dilating and now at 4cm. Cervix still fully thinned and head engaged and very low. Everything is ready for her arrival, accept her. I am even emotionally more settled and ready for whenever she decides to come. A week ago I was so anxious, felt so much nervousness. But after waiting for two weeks now, with no success, I am just ready to hold her already. Ready to get this birth over with and ready to enjoy her warm and sweet little body snuggled up against me.

She is growing by the day, and my curiosity with her. How big will she be...how will she look? I love her so much already. Every day I just sit looking down at my belly, as it rolls around with her movements, and I try to guess if its her knees pushing at me or her little booty, or maybe a foot stretched out to the far recesses of my belly (always the right side). She is such an active little one. I want to meet this little wiggle bug already! And at the rate she's growing, I hope I'll be able to deliver her. Seems shes getting pretty big, and because we had Eliana early, we don't even know what size our full term babies can be. Eek! Pray for my delivery, I sense the end is near and I hope all this pre-labor will make me have her very quickly. 

Snowy Week 37

11/13/2014

When we woke up at the crack of dawn, it had just begun snowing outside. It was so cold and beautiful. The flakes were coming down so fluffy and thick. I had been waiting for this all year! After breakfast, my girls and I cuddled up on the couch to watch the snow fall. I'm sure Elly was thinking, what is that stuff mama? My sister came to watch Eliana and I went to an appointment with my mama. Afterwards Eliana went down for a nap and I got to kick my feet up and relax. These days that's the only time this mama gets to relax, when our little toddler is asleep. Elly just awoke from her nap as hubby came home. We all bundled up and went outside to enjoy the fluffy snow coming down and snap a few pics of this ever growing belly. The result is just magical. Nothing like a world covered in white.

On our very first snow day of the year, we finally reached our goal of getting to full term. I was exactly 37 weeks on this perfect day. What a week of change it ended up being! It's as if my body knew we reached our goal and it started preparing itself for labor. At my last appointment a week prior, my stomach had dropped even lower and her head, at that point, was "fully engaged". What this meant was that she was definitely settling in for the home stretch. And boy, was she ever! 

Over the weekend I started having so many pre-labor signs. Back aching so much, ovaries hurting, hips stretching and stretching...She felt like she dropped even lower, if that's even possible. I was feeling so much pressure, I just couldn't do anything comfortably anymore. I had the urge to use the restroom at all moments of the day and night. There was definitely something going on. Even the baby started moving so much, much more than usual. On Sunday, she didn't stop for about 3 hours on end. I could clearly see her little feet and bum as she stretched and pushed at her cramped quarters. I felt so weird and started feeling so anxious. I just kept telling my husband, "Babe we need to go home, I feel like she can burst my water at any moment." I could hardly wait until the following day so I could see my doctor and find out if I've started dilating and if not, I needed some answers.

The next day I got ready for my appointment, excited and anxious...I get some answers finally! My doctor confirmed my suspicions. Not only was I already 3cm dilated, my cervix was paper thin, and babies head was so low, I could have her at any moment now! We are definitely in the home stretch. My doctor told me if I begin feeling really intense pressure that doesn't go away or if I start leaking water; I needed to come in immediately. We could be having this baby. After my appointment I let my hubby know my status. He started to slightly freak out, making plans for a babysitter for Eliana. He installed the car seat in the car. We made sure all our things are in order and ready to go to the hospital. Hubby even made sure I ate well, so I would have energy to push when the time came lol. We were ready to go! I did however have some intense cramps and pressure for a few hours about 4 hours after my appointment, but they passed. 

The next day hubby even stayed home, expecting us to go to the hospital at any moment. The day passed slowly, and we quickly realized that its now a waiting game. We decided to put our energies into running a few last errands and shopping. We installed some shelving and did some organizing. Keeping busy was definitely much easier to make this waiting period pass quicker. As I sit here writing this post I'm definitely no longer comfortable. Last few days I have been experiencing early labor pains. Lots of pressure and aching. Stabbing pains in my lower back and my stomach tightening painfully. But nothing consistent or painful enough to go in to the hospital. More than likely dilating more every day. My oldest sister told me that on the plus side, when the time comes, we may have a very quick labor and delivery. My body having done most of the dilating and prep-work already. We are definitely ready and excited to meet this little girl. Looking at newborn sized clothing, how is it possible she will be so tiny? How was Eliana so much smaller even than that?! We keep wondering what color her hair will be, whose features she will have. Babies seem to rarely look like their siblings. We are so ready to meet her! Any day now...

Below are a few pictures of my little family enjoying the snow.

The snow was not the issue, it was all those fluffy layers of clothes... lol

 She was all smiles and happiness once her jacket and hat came off. Plus the hot chocolate, with her favorite marshmallows, wasn't bad either.

Birth Story: Eliana

11/07/2014

Perfect Knit Beanie: Etsy: NatalkaShop

Yesterday was World Prematurity Day. In honor of this day when we raise awareness of preterm birth, I decided to share the birth story of our very own preemie baby, Eliana. 19 months ago we met our first daughter for the very first time, 5 1/2 weeks early. My pregnancy was healthy over all, baby was growing well and we were both doing great. Although, we did have several scares where I started having contractions; as early as 20 weeks, the first time it happened. As a result I took it easy, refrained from exercise and continued to eat healthy as much as I could. Needless to say, it was a complete shock, when my water started leaking.

My husband and I were both up pretty early on the morning of April 3, 2013. Both having to be at work by 6am. The night before at 8pm, I had started to leak. I never thought anything of it, this being my very first pregnancy. I had the strongest bladder imaginable and figured that my bladder finally became weak and decided to succumb to this 'pancake bladder' that pregnant women tend to have, where they have to pee a million times a day. I did however think something of it when the next morning I couldn't walk without leaking. My husband and I decided to call the nurses line, just in case to find out what it could be. We must have caused quite an alarm because my doctor called me back immediately even though it was only 4:30am, and told me to grab my things and head to the hospital, our baby was coming today!

I got off the phone laughing in shock, telling my husband, lets go to the hospital, my water broke. His response was, "This isnt funny baby, why are you laughing?!". It wasnt funny ofcourse, but thats just what I do when in shock. Hubby and I jumped in the car and zoomed to the hospital, with nothing but the clothes on our backs (we did not have a carseat, or hospital bag or anything ready). We walked in, and quickly got settled into our labor and delivery room. They hooked me up, to monitor me and the baby. We could see that I was having contractions, yet I couldnt feel them. We still dont know if it was due to my high pain tolerance or because of shock, I just didnt feel anything. By 8am, I wasnt dialated enough and it had been 12 hrs since my water started leaking, so they decided to induce me to speed things along. 

As soon as the pitocin kicked in the contractions got consistently worse and by noon they completely took over. The pain was so surreal, so painful. I couldn't move, literally paralyzed in pain. One contraction ended and the next one took over, no breaks. My poor hubby was holding my hand, encouraging me, telling me to squish his hand. But I couldn't, I physically couldn't move, unable to even squish his hand, no strength from the paralyzing pain. I couldn't lay on my back anymore, hurt too bad. I just kept switching from one side to the other, while telling my hubby over and over that I cant do this, I just cant anymore. The contractions were nonstop, pain was so bad, I couldn't even cry if I had wanted to. I focused on breathing deeply through every contraction because there was nothing else I could do. Eliana was doing great the whole time, it was adorable, she even got hiccups right before I started pushing and we saw it on the monitor. Before I delivered her, her heart beat went through the roof, over 200 beats per minute and she started moving around like crazy! I was shaking like crazy, I couldn't control myself. They told me its the adrenaline coursing through my body. 

At 12:30pm my doctor rushed in, didn't even have time to change because I was ready to push. The pressure subsided and my doctor quickly changed into scrubs and rushed back. She sat down with a big plastic bag in her lap. I asked my doc if it's for catching Eliana, if I pop her out quickly. We all laughed. We joked because I'm so tall, I may have her so quickly that my doc may not be quick enough to catch her. Eliana arrived after a few more excruciating pushes. At 12:58pm, weighing 5 lbs 2 oz and 19 inches long. 

They lay her on my stomach and I touched her little head, full of lots of dark hair. We were shocked shes a brunette, we were expecting a blondie the entire time. My little doll was just laying there, staring up at me with her big dark eyes; so tiny, so perfect. My husband cut her umbilical cord. We were smiling and laughing, we couldn't believe she's finally here! They took Eliana from me and started working on her. She cried twice and went limp. Apparently from the shock of the delivery, she was having trouble breathing. They tried moving her arms and legs but she wasn't responsive. They quickly whisked her upstairs to the NICU and my hubby went along. That was the only moment I got to hold my baby until the next day.

After my hubby and baby girl were gone, my doctor stitched me up and finished up with me within 20 minutes. Then, all I could do was wait. After about 1 1/2 hours my husband came back to the delivery room and showed me pictures of our Eliana. He told me how she's doing and gave me her weight and length. Until that moment I was yet to hear or know anything about her, besides the quick glimpse I got of her. They put me in a wheel chair to move me into my recovery room; even though I told them I could walk just fine on my own. We still couldn't go see Eliana, they were doing surgery on another baby upstairs. Within a few minutes the NICU doctor came downstairs to update us. She was breathing on her own pretty much since birth and after the initial shock wore off, she was doing amazing! After visiting with our family a bit, we were able to start going upstairs to introduce her to everyone and touch her and love on her. It was so surreal. She was all ours, so tiny, yet so absolutely perfect. We couldn't imagine a bigger blessing!

For the next 2 1/2 weeks we went every single day to visit her. We got to change her diaper, eventually we got to hold her, feed her and touch her, any time we wanted while there. She was such a trooper, gaining weight and getting stronger by the day. I started pumping and she was able to have my breast milk from the very first day. Its certainly called 'liquid gold' for a reason. I was blessed with so much, they even told me to stop bringing anymore to the hospital. Days passed slowly. In between her feeds/diaper changes we went shopping; buying a car seat, rocking chair for the nursery and all the other small things we never got around to getting. Every day it became harder and harder to leave her, even for a few hours. I was strong and cried maybe twice from missing her throughout those weeks. Having a part of you, your baby far away from the safety of your arms and not being able to hold and touch her and give her all the love you want to...its absolutely heart wrenching!  

On a stormy rainy day, April 20th, 2013, we finally got to stay the night with her in the room with us. The rain was coming down in huge gusts, beating against the windows. We fed her, changed her and just adoringly stared at her, without any feeding tubes or monitors attached to her precious little body. What an amazing feeling. This is how it must feel for parents with full term babies. We waited a long time for this day but it was worth it! We finally had our baby all to ourselves! We were just giddy with joy, bringing her home. 

Since that day 1 year and 7 months ago, we have gotten to have her with us every day; feeding her, holding her, playing with her and loving on her. She truly has been our little world! She's always been so happy. Rarely if ever crying. She was a trooper with teething, and has all her teeth now, with just her canines having to finish coming out completely. She brings us so much joy and happiness. Our love for her is unconditional, and those days spent away from her, are now just a distant memory. Being parents to a preemie has some challenges, she was always weaker and took her time in the strength department, but she is perfect none-the-less, nothing time doesn't take care of. Looking at these sweet pics I took a week ago, you wouldn't be able to guess that she was born so tiny, so early. She is our little miracle baby who surprised us with her early arrival. 

A few memories from the NICU:

P.S.  On Instagram, under the hashtag #LifeOfEliana, you can see pictures of Eliana from birth along with more snippets of her story.

P.P.S. There are two miracle babies, named Claire and Charlotte. God saw fit to bring them into this life very early at just 25 weeks. They have truly been pure miracles in all they have survived and accomplished in their short lives, thus far. True fighters, who have shown our good Lord's mercy and grace with every day they live and grow stronger. I have so much love for them and they are always on my mind and in my prayers. My heart goes out to their parents, Mark and Tina, and how hard it has been for them. Please pray for these identical little angels and their strong beautiful mama and papa.
- If you would like to see and hear updates on how they are doing please follow them on here: Instagram.
- If your heart is open to sharing and giving, please donate to Claire and Charlotte here. Having a NICU baby was so expensive for us, over $80K before insurance just for the 2.5 weeks our doll stayed there, with no complications and no surgeries...imagine the expenses for Mark and Tina and their precious girls. May God bless you for your kindness!